The Reasons I Still Love to Breathe: Naruto
by Eliza Nire
Summary: Eliza Nire ranting on all things Naruto. Read if you can, 'cause it might give you a sense of amazingness when you can partially understand my weird brain.
1. Chapter 1

_**The Reasons I Still Love to Breathe :**_

_**Naruto**_

"Eliza-chan here with colorful points of view and opinions in the wonderful world of Naruto! Today with me is my wonderful Co-host Pein!"

"Hurmph..." He glared at me and shifted in his seat so his back was to me.

"O you're such a grump my little fiery leader-sama. Anyways on todays subject is...!" I swung around in my swivel seat and belowed out, " The Pein is the Papa subject!"

"What the **hell** are you talking about?" He turned back torwards me and slapped my arm, "Dont make me put you back in the padded room."

"Ah I kinda like it there, its all squishy and stuff. But you need to shush now cause i'm talking, kaythanksbye." I swivled around once more. " Even though it has been disproven, I still would like to converse about the theory of Pein being Naruto's father. When Pein was only a black shadow randomly popping up occassionaly in the manga, people thought that since he just _had_ spikey hair, that all of a sudden Naruto was from his seed."

"Thats disgusting."

"I know right?" A gave him a goofy grin. "I dont really understand the whole thing about Yondaime though. Does Naruto even _know_ that he's his father? Thats a bit of a crappy thing to keep from a kid right Peiny-poo?

"Like I give a royal crap. Dont make me hurt you."

"You're so mean to me, and on a happier note im sorta glad that you arn't that papa Pein! Jeesh what would Naruto do if his own daddy was taking over the world with his crazy blue-haired girlfriend...tsk tsk."

"She's not my girlfriend assface."

"Ok fine, she's your accomplice in evil doings who you happen to have a giant crush on, and the feelings of romance happen to be returned to you from her. Is that ok?" I turned torward him and rolled my eyes.

"Thats it, were going home." Pein grabbed my upper arm and drug me along behind him forcefully.

"Yay, Tobi time!"

"You're such a friggin pervert..."

"I know. Tune in next week when we talk about the pros and cons of Yaoi and Yuri!"

"Y-yuri?"

"Oh, im the pervert? Say that after your finished with the nosebleed, kay?"


	2. Chapter 2

_**The Reasons I Still Love to Breathe:**_

_**Naruto**_

"Kisame! Kiiiiisame!"

"What the heck do you want?" He glared at me with crossed arms. "You keeo dragging all of us into your weird dreams and we end up suffering for it. Just like the time you pictured Konan as the leader of Akatsuki and she about killed us all..."

"Ah yes, good times that." I sighed deeply and faced Mr.Fish-man. "Dont make me put you in a dress again." I gave him an evil grin.

He shuddred slightly and said, " Never again...I will eat your face before that happens again. Just...get on with the show...please..." He rubbed his temples and sighed, looking down.

"'Kay! On todays topic is...!" I turned in my swivel chair torwards the front of my desk and said "Yaoi and Yuri!"

"Yuri...and Yaoi?"

"Uh huh."

"Why that?"

"Its a topic that needs to be dwelled into further for my hardcore fans!" I stabbed a finger into the air for a dramatic pose.

"You dont have _any_ fans." He glarred at me with his fishy eyes.

"Well...the two people who are just here for the free candy but still...the hardcore news must go on!" One more dramatic pose for me.

"How can anybody like Yaoi?"

"How can anybody like Yuri?" I sarcasticly said back to him.

"_No one_ does."

"Pein does." I pointed out matter-o-factly. "And most men above the age of forty."

"Pein's twenty-nine, and not everyone does!" He threw his arms out in front of him to increase the dramatic mood.

"_Most_ everyone does. Its just a natural reaction for anybody to think its amazingly amazing when two members of the oppisite gender engage in romantic scenes for our viewing pleasures." I sighed and shook my head at Kisame's blunt view of the world. "Im directing this to you girls of the world, and maybe to some guys...whoever read fanfics and there's not many..."

"Your straying off subject..."

"The vampire was persistent!" I screamed at my co-host."Anyways... Yaoi fans, keep living with your love of the guyXguy and dont look down on yuri fans okay? Same for you Yuri fans because from the female point of view, its natural to think girl on girl is really nasty but for the guys its nasty if its guy on guy. We are closer that you believe in this aspect my fellow people of mars!"

"Were on earth.EARTH! You are insane woman!"

"The faeries told me to."

"I can actaully believe that."

"Want some fish sticks?"

"I hate you."


	3. Chapter 3

_**The Reasons I Still Love to Breathe:**_

_**Naruto**_

"Tobi-chan! Toooobi-chan!" I continued to give my co-host a sufficating hug and chanted his name multiple times.

"Yea...right...um...its getting hard to breathe." He tried to push me off but without much succes. This was _my_ dream after all.

"Oh! Tobi-chan, guess what todays topic is!" I said, after more hugs still.

"Please...I cant...breathe!" More fruitless efforts of escaping.

I withdrew my outward love and said, "Tsk tsk, how could I love a dead Tobi?"

"You'd find a way."

"Ya...you're right. Ok on todays topic is..." I jumped into my chair and rolled about three feet. "Pein's Peircings!"

"That seems like a pretty random topic Eliza-chan..." He rubbed his throat and scooted a few feet away from me.

"It is. I just thought about it actaully..." I withdrew into a thinking state for five seconds and popped back into reality. "Do you think he got them all at the same time? I mean jeebus, he has bars in his ears...HIS EARS! Does'nt that hurt at all?"

"You think they would but he does'nt seem to care much."

"I know but still...Oh! Like those ones on his upper nose. Did they go _all the way through_ to get those tihngs to stay? I only have 2 peircings and I almost fainted each time. He has like...forty-nine!"

"Thats a bit of an exaggeration dontcha think?"

"Not by much. I wonder were _else_ he has peircings at..." I withdrew into my twisted reality and many pictures came to mind. "I bet Konan would know."

"No! NO! Dont _even_ go there! I think I just gagged!" He put his hand to his swirly mask and faked a heave.

"Its an honest thought to have. Any curious normal young woman would think about it." I sighed and motioned with my hand to my ear piercing. " As any normal young woman would think that Pein's peircings are a little unorthidox."

"You're far from a normal young woman. A little delusional and maybe insane. I recommend Ritilin."

"I recommend I stick you in my closet again...Tobi." I gave him an evil grin and swiveled around once.

"Why do you love to torture me?"

"I dont. I torture to love you or something along those lines. Want some icecream?" I pulled two fudge bars out of the top desk drawer and held one up in the air.

"Sure...Its not drugged is it?"

"Ooo...of _course_ not. I learned my lesson the last time. Zetsu told me it was bad for your health." I threw the icecream bar at him and precedded to nibble on my own. "Todays topic did'nt seem as hardcore as the others. Any ideas on how to make it any better?"

"Sure but you might love it to much."

"Wha?!"

"My real identity is..."

((The rest of this program has been eaten by Zetsu's black half. Tune in soon when we talk about Deidara's hands!))


End file.
